HEADING TOWARDS 51, Like A Turtle

First let me just preface, I keep a running list of post ideas on a TO DO LIST and one of those items was listed as; 41: Realizing That Your Father turned 40 Not To Long Ago. Now did I complete that post 10 years aog, the asnwer is Yes, this post is now almost a decade late. When I started writing the post, it began with…

“The eye opening wave of new responsibilities how your health affects your family and your own parents welfare, arrives in your 40’s. Seeing your children’s future, while coming to terms with your own mortality, let alone your parents, is a sucker punch in gut.”

At the time, when I was starting to write this post, in 2015, my mother was still alive and my father had been deceased for more than 6 years. Copying and pasting this post into a doc today, at the age of 51, is harsh reality that has already deeply been set into place. At that point in my life, we had three kids at home and in the thick of from my mother’s breast cancer recovery and her battle to conquer congestive heart failure from the chemo drugs they used during her treatment. That was also a period of my own realization that kicking off my 40’s meant, I really should take my health a lot more seriously.

Being Bad in Nashville, waiting for BBQ at REDS.

Growing up my father had many health battles well before his 40’s, and they just kept getting worse till his death at the age of 62. For the last decade I’ve been joking that I really don’t want to live past the age of 86, because I couldn’t bare the idea of burying one of my children. But I do want to try to live longer than my parents did. Where am I with that mission today. Honestly, still of struggling. Over the past decade, since I have attempted to start this post, so much has transpired.

Juggling parenting and my mother’s own decline in age was the bulk of my plate over the last decade but honestly, I cannot complain. Why can’t I complain, well because having the freedom to be a stay at home parent, has afforded a lot more one and one time with my kids and helping my mother in her times in need. I am lucky to have a spouse who affords me live out a childhood hope or some dreamt up idea of being a good parent. (Well, that’s another post in itself. Already noted in my to do list.)

While I struggled to mange my own health over the last decade, I lied to myself that I had a really pretty good excuse to ignore my health again, with my mom’s health started declining again in 2019 and when COVID hit. Her decline was just like barrel falling down a hill, and you really can’t stop it, if you tried. I feel for the many who had love ones who got sick or were declining during that period of the lockdown and further out. I managed to start taking my move from pre-diabetes to full blown diabetes during that period and getting on the proper medications.

Two 50 Year olds reconnecting! We’ve known each other for 42 years!

My mother would eventually pass from heart failure due to her CHF returning. Two years later I turned 50 and was doing really good at getting my health in order. One of the key factors to facing that reality was forcing myself to get in better shape and work on balance for a few years. I tried doing a boot camp option with a friend of mine and was doing pretty good with a trainer. Then the house started construction, so taking hour long classes and trainer appointments was not working for some reason.

During the pandemic Clem and I were walking quite a bit. One neighbor would comment about a year ago, after finally getting to know each other. As she put it, we were the family who was always out walking during lockdown and eating out on the front lawn. The way she said it, was a little judgmental, but honestly, I was very proud to hear that we were that family, for those reasons. Couldn’t have been a lot worse. I tried my hardest back then to get the kids out the house more. The same goes for today, no more bubbles in our home!

A little reminder of the past. No I didn’t keep it. What are my kids going to do with it. Man my 6’s were bad.

All in all, during those years of me making excuses. A few months after turning 50, I had another blood draw and was shocked to hear my patience and dedication to being back in the pool and walking more, and cutting out more carbs from my diet and the family diet was working. I was back a pre-diabetic status. Then came SUMMER. You would think we had this wild adventure summer as a family with my blood results at the end of summer. My only excuse was, in early summer, I was in a “what am I doing with my life rut.” Which resulted in a summer of traveling in the South, eating things that were not familiar to my new diet. I spent months working at the start of 50 to be good. Then summer comes and excusses, lead to way too much grease, carbs and fried foods. It was such great BBQ, though.

Moving back towards what is to come in my 50’s and turning 51. I am moving back to the theme of health, but it’s also getting ready for the big change coming for us as parents. We are lucky because we have so many friends and family who have been entering the empty nester era of their lives and relationships. We have been paying attention and taking notes. The bottom line, there is no predetermined path forthe kids or for us as parents. Yes we dream of our kids going down a certain path. But after 17 years of parenting, and watching our oldest rise into young adulthood, is eye opening. One of those big lessons is to take a step back or away from what we expect of our kids, and focus on listening more and being available. Especially with conversations about the future.

Don’t judge me I earned that hat. Yes I cropped out what I was eating at the Soquel Diner! Bad habits. Reminds me of the photo of my aunt, that my cousins blew up and used at her funeral, with her sitting in front of massive ice cream sundae, she was diabetic.🤦🏼‍♂️

For now, 51 is the dawn of building a second half of your journey. Your 40’s is very much an uphill battle for adults. Gone are the conventions of being over the hill at 40 something. 50 allows you to instead look at the crest of the hill passing by as you keep walking. I am thankful for the years I have had but I am looking forward and hope to keep moving in the right direction, especially with family and friends. Several of our friends have turning 50 recently and my go to response to them celebrating their big milestone. “Enjoy the whole year. 50 is worth it!” Can’t wait for 52, so much is going to change for our family in my 51st year. A kid living away from home, I am working a real job that pays me! Gonna be great!!