What Not to Watch: I Bid You Peace & Shame

Originally I was writing one post to share my thoughts on why not to watch two docu-series that dropped in February. I began with the Top Model docu-series and I found while writing the post, I was just vomiting everything out, resulting in a really long post. For this post, I save the real doozy of the two docu-series. Most people of certain age, will know who I am talking about. If you are GenX and grew up watching PBS more than network television, or you simply loved the early days of cooking shows. Then you know tv chef, Jeff Smith. Otherwise known as the Frugal Gourmet.

Growing up, my siblings and I basked in the world known as PBS. From Sesame Street/Mr. Rogers at our nanny’s house, to falling in love with cooking thanks to my mother, great-grandmother, Julia Child on PBS. Thanks to Julia, I was introduced to greats like Craig Claiborne, Jacques Pépin and my father’s personal favorite Martin Yan (Yan Can Cook.) Then there was the Frugal Gourmet. I literally have a signed copy of Jeff Smith’s cookbook, which I still reference today now and then. I watched the Frugal Gourmet almost every week in high school. I had several of his cookbooks as a kid and even VHS tape of one of his specials.

I still cook some of Jeff Smith’s signature dishes, because the recipe is just burned into my skull. Smith’s career started with cookbooks and then moved into tv specials and appearances on talk show’s like Phil Donahue. Even remember watching Smith on PBS in my freshman year of college.. it was in college that my path crossed with Smith. My college had regular guest speakers from the culinary world, who would do one or multiple speaking engagements. I got see see and meet some pretty polific chefs in the 90’s, many were great inspiration, that was the case for Julia Child’s who was there for a week or two weeks teaching in a lecture theater with a full kitchen.

During my freshman year, I saw on the news board in one of the school buildings a list of guest speakers coming to campus, Smith was listed to speak on a Friday the upcoming month. I had already made plans to head to NYC the day he was to speaking and opted to leave on a later train for the city. I was excited to grab a spot in the lecture hall, but shocked to see the room half filled upon my arrival. I commented this to someone sitting next to me and they said they were only there to get extra credit. Which was a pretty common practice. I thought it was odd the turnout was so low. When Smith finally entered the lecture hall, some of us were excited, offer a clap or two. Sadly, many were not. The atmosphere was very different compared to other lectures by people like Julia Child, Alice Waters and even Pépin.

Sadly, the Jeff I grew up watching, was not the same Jeff standing at the bottom of the lecture theater. Halfway through the lecture he asked to take a break, and everyone exited that lecture hall and went outside for air. I ran into an upperclassman friend when exited the building and she laughed when I told I was sitting in on the Jeff Smith lecture. She told me to leave while I still could! She explained she had worked with him on internship one summer and it was a nightmare, and there is a lot of talk about his behavior on set with men. Before we went back into the lecture, I hit the mens bathroom, but there a line. I knew there was another one on the floor below.

Coming down the stair well, I opened the door to the hallway hearing a man yelling at someone about the number of people and not forgetting something. I forgot to hold the door, and it slammed shut behind me, startling the two men and a woman. All three looked at me, and it was Jeff, stand with a man I worked with in the college admissions office, and an older woman. Jeff and the woman stormed off, with Jeff looking back at me for some reason. I walked to college admin and asked if he was okay, he just smiled at me and said he was fine, and he’s dealt with worse. We both actually walked into bathroom together, and while he washed his face, I asked again if he was okay. He explained Jeff is known for being belligerent and it was not the first visit he was tasked to handle him.

We left the bathroom together and I decided to catch an earlier train, instead of finishing the lecture. The following week, I reported to one of admission tours shifts and the admin from the lecture was there when I arrived. He pulled me into his office, and apologized for what I witnessed. I expressed more concern for him and he said, he was more worried about Jeff being around others, and I promptly replied, no one should be talked or treated like to like that. He ended up asking me to talk to his boss about what I witnessed. I did report the incident, and later that year, the admin thanked me for helping get Smith kicked off his yearly lecture.

Going back to the docu-series. I am glad to see people are finally able to share their experiences with Smith over his career. Yes the man is no longer with us and he cannot address any new accusations. But what transpired in the late 90’s is heavily documented and honestly, the Smith I witnessed that day in college, was no where close to the public persona he created. The truth, people who crossed paths with Smith have their own experiences. In the last post, I mentioned you should never meet your heroes. Well, this was one of the moments. There have been so many people I have met, who I held in high regard before and after meeting them. Julia Child, Martha Stewart and Craig Claiborne were two from my college days, who were pure joy. While I never officially met Smith face to face, what I witnessed that day, destroyed the image TV created in my head about Smith.

Do moments like these mean we should erase these people from heads, our past or culture. Probably not. While I still have one of Smith’s cookbooks, that book does have value of the memories of receiving it from my mother and cooking with my great grandmother some of the recipes in it. Will I watch that docu-series? Um NO! While I understand everyones story is worth telling. The way the series is being released should speak volumes to where we are in society. The series is not even being streamed on a network or online service. Instead, you have pay $19.99 to watch it on the filmmakers website. I commend the effort the filmmaker put into organizing interviews, to get their people’s point of view out. I feel for the  survivors or victims first. I don’t feel for the people who feel that Smith’s memory is being smeared or misrepresented.

In 1997, I remember watching the news reports in my apartment and seeing the newspaper headlines about the allegations against Smith. While I was shocked to hear the stories of abuse that were being shared in the media. The cases filed against Smith were civil because the statue of limitations ran out.. Smith was insured and his insurance company ended up paying off the plaintiff’s to make the cases go away. Then Smith just quietly disappeared for the next few years. It’s sad to know that he has to two children who are still effected by all of this. I don’t think giving money to hear these stories over and over is going to help anyone. Reference my previous post where the survivors weren’t even paid for the documentary. I just checked, and I still have the first cookbook my mother gave me for Christmas, The Frugal Gourmet on Our Immigrant Ancestors: Recipes You Should Have Gotten from Your Grandmother. It’s inscribed by my mother. There are still recipes dog eared that I make from time to time. I still remember the first time I made Irish Concanon to Paprika Cream Sauce.

In writing this post, I read through a substack post by writer/chef John Birdsall about Smith and his perspective of the “Failure of Homosexuality”. In the piece he analyzes Smith’s queer behavior in connection to the acts he might have committed. It’s a very dark line being drawn in situations like these for the end consumer. When predators have created something that is tangible, where do we draw our lines as consumers. I drew the line with this documentary. I have recycled most of my cookbooks by Smith and even the VHS tape set. It’s people like Smith, Michael Jackson or even Woody Allen, we have to set our own lines, in hopes to not crossing them. Then there times as a parent you try do your best in educating your kids, about their choices and the lines they should lay. My oldest was barely a year old when Jackson passed away. And all three kids have taken a liking to his music over the last 18 years. I’ve tried my best to make them aware, but even I have playlists that have not been edited. I was a fan Jackson, although I was always confused about how a queer/closeted person wrote and sang “In the Closet”, and painting it as secret love affair between a straight couple, with one line in the song.