Meeting LEGENDS: Marion Cunningham (part 2)

Now as we kick off part 2, and no we are not talking about Mrs. Cunningham from Happy Days. Wow does that date me! Fun fact, at the first speaking engagement with Julia, a male student, who shall remain namesless. Yes, I knew of him and yes he was apart of greek life world, decided to ask during the Q&A section, “I loved you on Happy Days?” The lack of laughter, besides laughs from his two frat brothers on either side of him, I didn’t have to say anything, because the audience did enough to humiliate they guy for making such a comment. How Marion handled it, was perfect. She simply replied, “I’ve heard that question many time over the last 20 years, and why thank you for thinking I look like Marion Ross, that is a complement..” While half of the room The best part of the comeback, was Julia’s laugh. It literally had the whole room rolling in laughter..

That second visit was just as magical as the first, if not more, because Marion spoke on her own this time, in conversation with one of the professors she had known for over a decade, sadly their name escapes me. Upon her arrival she again greeted me after talking to my boss, the professor friend and the University President. We chatted for several minutes, she asked how my mother was doing, about my summer back home in San Ramon. And we talked about the non-profit work I had started with a youth organization in Hayward, and a new organization on the Brown campus called YPI. Marion smiled, and pointed out her work with my mother again, and how it was important to keep giving, “even in your old age like me.” Marion thanked me for coming and mentioned she had heard about my schedule predicament for the event and thanked me for coming to the event and last year. I remember saying,, I appreciated her gratitude and then explained how my boyfriend needed me in NYC that night because his fashion show was in less than 48 hours. Then I realized I had just come out to Marion. All I remember after that moment, was my stomach in my throat because, not only did I come out to Marion, but also to my admission’s boss and the University President. The next thing I remember is Marion grabbing my hands and saying, you should go then and thanked me for sharing with me. I explained how I made alternative travel arrangments and gushed about getting a peak into the fashion world I’ve obsessed about, just as much as cooking. She smiled, and said “fashion is important, even I have a look!” And took a step back to show off her long skirt and beautifully pressed off-white mens dress shirt. In that moment, I realized that Marion was always colorfully dressed and I had always seen her in long skirt and dress shirt.

I love this shot of Marion, my mother had the exact same strainer. It’s in a box somewhere in storage still. I hope to find it one day.

For this visit, I actually got to see Marion work in the kitchen on two dishes. The crowd was a little larger this time and everyone had such positive things to say about her during and after the event. My task this time was holding the mic during the QA periods. While I can still remember some of the questions, the one thing I loved watching during the demonstrations, was how Marion worked in the kitchen. At the end of the event, I escorted Marion as she was leaving and we chatted a little more. She asked me how she did and I expressed how fascinated I was on how she worked in the kitchen. How she used her hands for everything and rarely used a kitchen tools to mix things. When we spoke after the event, she asked he did, I shared how I learned the same process using your hands, which is extremely frowned upon at the school or cooking industry. Like a dingbat, I realized before she wrote cookbooks, she was a classically trained “home cook”, which is how I learned to cook from my mother and grandma (great grandmother. I finished by telling Marion, “Thank you for making me realize how my mother and grandmother taught me to cook, is how I should cook!” After that, I don’t remember the rest of our conversation. That was my sophomore year, and later after we parted I realized I would never be a line cook or manage a restaurant. At the end of the event, as she was leaving, I remember her saying, “keep finding yourself, and be proud of who you are! James was always proud, Craig not so much! Thank you for all your help and go on now to the city.”

Craig was Craig Claiborne who I had shared in our conversations that I enjoyed reading his cookbooks growing up. The reference to James, was her boss and mentor James Beard. In school, James life story, craft, cookbooks, writings and work in the culinary arts, was steeped into the curriculum. I didn’t have one professor who didn’t reference James Beard at least five times in a semester, and most had personal stories to share about Beard. There are times I wish I had continued in the culinary arts as a professional path, but I always remember my times working as line cook at school and at a few restaurants. Then I snap back to how I loved cooking for my friends and family growing up in my 20’s and how I love to cook for my husband and kids in my 30s to now in my 50’s.

I never got see Marion again after that experience. I was very lucky in those moments and I will cherish them for the rest of my life. After I returned from New York City that weekend, I did call my mother and tell her about my second time helping Marion at school. I think my mother loved the story, even though a large chunk of the story omitted, the part about coming out to Marion and my boss and going to NYC. I wasn’t out to my family yet, and I didn’t really share how often I went to NYC. A few years later, my mother and I were sitting on the deck at a beach house in Aptos, and we were talking about my time in NYC. Drinking a cocktail and watching as my current boyfriend, who was walking along the beach with my Grammie. My mother asked me if the friend in NYC was a different boyfriend, or was my current one. I smiled and shared the remainder of my conversation with Marion during her last visit. My mother smiled at me, and said “You know, last year Carol and I were at Bridges with the girls and Marion came over to our table to say hello. She shared the story of her last visit to school and how you were so helpful, and started to share with me about your “friend” in New York City, not knowing you had already come out to me the year before.” My mother said she interrupted Marion and shared she and her friends were aware of me coming out, and shared I had finished that school year and moved out to SF with my boyfriend. She said all of the ladies had a good laugh about dancing around the subject. As she told me this, in my head I was having a good laugh because I think for weeks I was so stressed about my mom finding out. That conversation lead in to the conversation when she realized I was gay. It was after I called her one evening, to say I was moving home with my “friend.” As she got off the phone, my sibling overheard the call and asked what was up. She told them the news, and they both commented, my friend was my boyfriend. My finished the story laughing because, at the time she didn’t think my father knew, later he would tell her and me, he knew long before I went to college.

As I wrote this post, I wanted to do some fact checking, when I thought back to some of the stories Marion shared at those two events, some 30+ years ago, I wanted to make sure I remembered them correctly. It was amazing to see so many people have written about their friendship or chance meetings with Marion, and how she shared some of the same stories she shared at events or even in private. One story in particular was a dinner event she attended on Long Island hosted by Craig Claiborne, an author/critic who I idolized growing up. She and Claiborne became friends thanks to Judith Jones and Beard. Claiborne invited all his friends (mostly culinary professionals) to his new home, and asked them to each bring one of their favorite dishes. Growing up I devoured Claiborne’s A Feast Made for Laughter. I have read the book several times over the years. Marion told the story of the evening with her own personal touches, of the conversations she had with a few friends, and she shared how amazing the whole “potluck” experience was!

Back then, I reflected on how the word “potluck” was very out of character for Claiborne, at the time Mr. Claiborne was in his 60’s. For most of his life he wrote about the art of cooking for others and creating an event, or feast. In my 20’s, my parties were all about me cooking for everyone. My husband and a few friends will assuredly agree I was not a fan of potlucks. Even hosting potlucks during the holidays was unheard of for me. It’s something that was engrained in me, by my mother and grammie and grandma. In my 30’s and 40’s I worked with or hired professionals for my events. Now in my 50’s, I find myself where Claiborne arrived later in life, in accepting potlucks into my vocabulary. A new chapter of relaxing the whole “appearance” of being a chef or in control. In my 30’s, after 15 years of hosting dinners/parties for friends, I took a break, choosing to do small group dinners. Cooking up a storm for 30-50 guests, was not easy with a toddler or kids running around. When I turned 50 in 2024, I decided I wanted to return my large party days, but without the hours and hours in the kitchen prepping food. Initially I thought I borrowed my friend Susan’s idea of hosting a holiday potluck gathering. Now upon deeper reflection, I was also following Claiborne’s lead, that I read about and learned about over 30 years ago. What I love is, Claiborne would never used the word potluck to describe his family style evenings he hosted in his later years. And even Marion pointed that out in a story she shared at the second speaking event. It was not a shady read at all, Marion was so kind when she spoke of her friends and peers. More importantly, I will always remember how she remembered my mother, and her kindness.

Marion & Alice Waters. This shot makes me smile. This is the Marion I met.

The Fannie Farmer Cookbook was one of the first cookbooks I grabbed when my mother transitioned from living at home to assisted living. In earlier years, I slowly took some of the books she claimed were hers, but were actually gifts to me. When she and I saw went through her books, to create a pile of books for her new apartment. When we got to the cookbooks, I could see her cry. Inside I was crying for sure, becasue she and I had so many ties to those books. The Fannie Farmer book, Cecilia Chiang’s The Mandarin Way, a copy of Alice Waters Chez Panisse Cookbook, or her original print of Martha Stewart books. To all of her chairty organizations / employer cookbooks she had submitted recipes for. Yes, I have already started researching that little story arch for a future post. While my photo book collection has been a huge passion since I went to college. Cookbooks goes even furhter back to childhood. To the books that are steeped in my family history. From The Epicurien used by Mr. Corillo since the 1920’s in his restaurants. While I’ve met many cookbook authors over the past 40+ years. Marion made the connection for me, why cookbooks are so important for home cooks. She was a home cook and her eagerness to learn and experiment was very much present in the two editions of the Fannie Farmer she wrote, even her 2003 book, Lost Recipes, which I love to pull from time to time.

While many of the great legends are no longer with us, the legacy is very much present. Even in this social media era, there are new legends who are really embrassing the past and building their own careers on the world of cookbooks. From Corre Larkin to Dylan Hollis, I’ve enjoyed watching them craft and explore. From Larkin’s affinity into french home cooking, to Hollis utilizing his 350 cook book collection to craft hilarious and interesting recipes that spance centuries. Trust me, my collection pale’s in comparison to Hollis’s cookbook collection. While Larkin journey reminds me of Julia’s journey a little, it’s the connections the legends made in their careers. And that one person who tied them all together was Judith Jones. I recently purchased Sara B. Franklin’s biography of Judith, and I am excited to jump into it and to see how so many of the legends I’ve had a chance to meet and talk to, were all tied to this one amazing muse who worked with them to create great bodies of work. If she’s is connected to Maya or Betty. I am going to loose it.