Our Grad on A Special Day

I was going to start writing this blog post initially a little over a week before graduation day and I stopped! I realized writing about a moment in time, before it happened, is not only not my style, but creating a narrative that really seems to be the norm today. “This is how I am going to feel..” or “This is how things are going to go!”  One thing I have learned from our now high school grad. Writing is about the story, the experience, the moment when reality becomes a narrative and creativity blossoms into words. A few weeks ago, I posted a reel of Paley’s journey with her Girl Scout troop, realizing she really has grown into one of the most empathetic passionate and imaginative young woman. We’ve always known that she had the ability to create and more importantly calculate.

What has astounded me in the last few years in high school, was watching her navigate this crazy world we call secondary school, on her own path towards higher education. Her journey to college is no different than all of the other girl scouts, but it was the path she paved, towards what she needs in a school. After 8 months of college applications, 4 years of juggling a high school schedule, countless hours of volunteering and more than doubling the length of her acting CV. She built an amazing and impressive net to cast out to several schools. Over the last 13 years, she has made many friendships that have last, and the same goes for us as parents.

Watching these students become passionate and emotional about the college process is an experience on itself. Paley, like many opted to work with a college counselor, and she chose wisely. In her second meeting the counselor was impressed how Paley drove the conversation and was already able to manage her vision of who she applied to and how she was going to present herself. Even more impressive is how she pulled out her own drum, and took the lead on her workloads and deadlines. I won’t lie, the college application process does a lot to students today labido and psyche. 30+ years ago, the process was 10 times easier. My applications were a sheet of paper. And your literally either typed your message on a typewriter or printed it on a dot matrix printer. Those days are long gone for sure. The only thing in my favor, is my college years are just a dark void, if I choose to go back to school some day. Dust off those files, is the go to message in my head.

In preparation of high schools’ closing chapter, we watched as she entered into the decision process of picking schools. Clem and I had very different experiences when picking our schools. As our student and all of our friends children sailed through their decisions. There really is no definitive path. While we created opportunities to help in her decision process, like going back to the schools she was accepted at or jumping into info sessions online to get additional questions asked. In the end, she took her time and created her own calculation to making a decision. This mirrors the path she journeyed on through high school and even middle school. As a parent, you have your worries they are choosing the right classes to take. You may push for certain paths, and then you want to help them pivot to make things less chaos driven. In the end, they had a vision, the toll or cost is where you can’t see past, but your student can. I can honestly say, without my nose growing longer, that Paley chose her classes over the seven years of Middle and High School. Yes the college counselor started providing guidance in her Sophomore year. My mantra was, I will find out when she gets her class schedule.

I am not going to sugarcoat it, the peer pressure is real for students today. We saw this with our first trek in to elementary school, and again and again with our twins  a few years later. We aren’t perfect parents, and what we all realize in raising our children, parent peer pressure is very much a thing. I still remember my mother warning me 12 years ago, when the topic of math paths was being heavily drilled by parental peers at after school pickups, events or at lunches. I even remember the times I went to my mother asking about how to handle the peer pressure in the classroom. Some teachers are really good at spotting this problem. One teacher two of my kids had, did really well at spotting this in early years of primary education, and was great at maneuvering around this dynamic that manifests, before it grew into a serious issue. Then there are the teachers, who are good teachers but peer pressure is an area they’re blind too. Watching peer pressure in classroom environments made me reconsider how I was interacting with my kids at home. I became more sensitive I think, but honestly, I made my fair share of mistakes. When I asked my mom about how  to handle it all. Her go to answer, “keep talking to her, the fact she’s telling you about what she going through is huge.”

As graduation week unfolded, I had a lot of flashbacks to conversations with my mother as the kids were growing up. And with my father back in my days of college. As the week progressed, I started remembering a lot of the moments we got to share with my mother and in-laws as Paley journeyed from preSchool to High School. From the first college road trip, to these weeks that have followed grad week, I am finding myself sharing not only advice I got from my parents but also from what I have learned. Over the last 15 years, I am one of those parents that teachers dread. Walking into the classroom the last few months of school, with a copy of ‘Oh The Place We Will Go’ for the teacher to sign. I learned about teachers signing copies of this book, from a preschool parent, who I am still friends with today. I think the reason why teachers dread this  request to personally sign a book, talking to a now adult reading the book, is not coming up with a message. It’s the stress to perform. I am not going to get into the story, because that is now a post in itself, but I see now the stress it creates for a teacher.

While the graduation book idea is dreaded, the friendships and connections to your kids teachers is where the rewards in life lay. Not just for parents, but for your student. In looking at my own friendships and connections with the kids teachers. I am reminded of the strong connections my parents had to my siblings and I’s teachers. Linda and Mrs. Kimball used to go out to dinners, lunches with Mrs. Thornton. Even my father with Mr. Pence. I kind of chose the same path as my mother, but my reasonings were far more personal, based on my experiences. Watching our students build their own relationships and connections with teachers was the journey I truly enjoyed. My parents certainly did as well. Some of our childhood teachers would even attend their funerals. I don’t think this special to our family, I think parents truly care about the teachers who like a mark on their children’s path through education. Paley’s path has deep grooves, some were very caring and passionated teachers, who made learning not only fun, gave them more clarity or understanding. She even connected with teachers that never got the chance to have her in class. It’s not a missed opportunity, it’s an connection that left a positive imprint on a smiling their face.

I am not going to dive in to the graduation week experience. Parents have their own take on this ritual. Instead I find myself more focused on the reflecting on the journey and where the path is leading. If you went to college, it’s hard to separate your experience, from your child's soon to be experience. From my parents experience to my own, the differences are endless. We have friends who’s kids have chosen their exact path, and those who were searching for something different. Even when siblings end up going to the same college or university, those experiences have stark differences. Watching the journey unfold is the best part. I remind myself often, we can teach them about the mistakes we made, but letting them figure out how to choose their path in those moments, is what really empowers and shapes who they will become.

No matter the path, watching our amazing young adult, calculate, panic, experience moments of excitement and sadness, is just the normal road we all have journeyed throughout our lifetimes. Watching each graduating class journey year after year, is a reminder that our journeys are not their journey. For Paley her journey is already underway, and her ideas and plans for that journey are adventures in themselves. All we can be as parents is be home base in times of need, a voice when they need comforting, give advice when asked or give the feeling of familiar. What’s next? College Life, and where is she headed off to? Her finally choice was Wheaton College, in Massachusetts. More on that choice later.